Sure, not much time has passed, and I recognize this, but I've had time to analyze my results more carefully and to really think about what happened this past weekend.
When going into Tawas I thought I would probably finish in the 5:15-5:20 range. However, even though I expected this, I secretly hoped I would finish under five hours. As it turned out, I couldn't have it both ways. I had to either be in-it-to-win-it or be prepared to be lackluster. When I went into Tawas it was after a solid effort at the Timberman, Ironman 70.3 which was my focus all year long and Tawas then became an afterthought. This in turn meant my heart was not in it. I simply banked on my ability and experience to get me through another race. Even when I had my doubts, in the back of my head, I held a lingering thought that said, "Dude, you can do this...just show up and do it." The truth was however, that I never really believed it. This was both arrogant and presumptuous. I disrespected my sport and the distance by thinking I could just have my cake and eat it too without being fully committed to success.
I don't know that I really expected a walk in the park performance like just another day, yet at the same time, I sort of did. The idea wasn't based on facts or any real-world evidence. I just thought it, yet I never really bought into it. In some ways I expected myself to just come through one more time, but I knew better.
Tawas was not an event I was going after and I was humbled...and appropriately so. My triathlon efforts and the half ironman distance deserved more respect and I turned my nose like it was nothing worth really paying much attention to and I got what I deserved.
None of this is to say, "Poor me". This is to say, "Wake up! Shut up! Put your head up! And pick yourself up!"
After looking over my results (see the race report link above) and seeing that my time was indeed what I expected (5:17 and some change)and realizing my heart and mind were not in the event, I started to conclude that it is not over. I am not done. And I will come back because the Ironman is still calling my name. It is calling me back saying, "Toe the line brutha', but bring it all. Bring your heart and bring your mind, and bring your soul, and you will you find what you seek."
My friend Ryan e-mailed me a few moments ago and he reinforced what I was starting to belive. However, I needed to hear it from someone like him. In so many words he told me to look at what I did this year in triathlon and take notice and don't take it lightly. Take stock and be glad for what I accomplished. He said that I should not dwell on the one event in my season that I considered to be a poor showing and believe that it defines me. He reminded me that I am capable and that he believes in me and that I should believe in me too. He's right and I needed to hear that from him. That's what friends are for. So in my hour of percieved darkness, he helped me see the light! Can I get an Amen?
So out of the darkness I have already begun to rise up! I am crawling now, but I am crawling back my friends! My eyes are now focused and my sights are now set square on the road ahead. I know the road will have twists and turns. I know the road though it may be smooth, will have occasional pot holes. But I know it is the road I must travel:
The Road to Ironman Louisville 2011.
...Another Amen if you please.
Peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment